I'M NOT YOUR COOL GIRL



just because she only listens to Lana Del Rey, she isn't going to fix your mommy issues


I grew up lusting for a certain status. They call her the manic pixie girl. She’s the cool, unobtainable chick everyone fawns over. I cut bangs like Zooey Deschanel, I spent ridiculous amounts on ‘vintage’ goods and re- ligiously listened to Regina Sparks. I become obsessed with becoming an obsession. The reality I was a gawky 14 year old wearing a polka dot dress when boys my age were exclusively courting the girls with B cups and pan- da eyes. But alas I continued my journey towards an un- achievable persona. It’s been years since I thought about being ‘that’ girl, and pinned it on not being adorable enough and accepted that. Only recently had the term emerged again and I realized I never achieved the title not because I didn’t wear enough lace or my eyes weren’t bug-like enough. I have always had a personality and opinion, and never compromised that, and that my friends are the underlining reasons I never would be able to gain that prestige. Of course my painfully awkward existence was part of it, but I was never willing to be but a product of the male gaze. The Manic Pixie Dream Girl was penned first by film critic Nathan Rabin after his viewing of Elizabethtown and realization of the trend of personality void female supporting characters. He describes the MPDG as

“That bubbly, shallow, cinematic creature that exists solely in the fevered imaginations of sensitive writer-directors to teach broodingly soulful young men to embrace life.”

As characters, they never advance; they are simply there to enrich the male leads life. They are put on pedestals of unobtainable heights, and encouraged not to do anything that shows real emotion but face criticism when not ‘opening up’ to their counterpart. The best part ofit all is if all expectation isn’t met, we pity the poor desponding lead as he reluctantly discards the relations.

What is MPDG by Oxford Dictionaries

Sadly my favorite literary and film characters are all held to unreasonable prospects, and unfortunately fit the definition of MPDG. However audiences loathe these characters because they look out for themselves in the end rather than serving the good hair struggling male lead.

ranking Manic Pixie Dream Girls on a scale of basic girl emojis

Character
MPDG Rating
Claire (Elizabeth Town) 🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥
Annie (Annie Hall) ✌️✌️
Marla (Fight Club) 💅💅💅
Sam (Garden State) 🍾🍾🍾🍾🍾
Clementine (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind) 🤦‍♀️

Take Holly Golightly from Breakfast at Tiffany’s, and I hate to be that guy but as much as I adore the movie I’m fonder of the book. My main reasoning is because is the book she flees never to return in order to serve her own interest, but the movie they have this shitty ending where her and cat embrace Fred and they all find themselves in each other. But in the real conclusion, Holly is romanized a ridiculous amount, and firstly seen as selfish for putting her needs in front of his. 60’s audiences wouldn’t accept this original character, I get it, this was a controversial role as it was. Every basic girls muse, Marilyn Monroe turned it down because she didn’t want to be seen as a floosy. And although it was made for a simple minded audiences, young girls still aspire to playing the moon river on the guitar for a googgly eyed confused 20-something.

Holly

George Peppard as Paul Varjak and Audrey Hepburn as Holly in Breakfast at Tiffany's

My heart also holds dearly Daisy Buchanan, firstly because growing up there were no lead beauties who had the privilege of sharing my name, and secondly because I truly believe she gets a bad wrap. She is a self-proclaimed ‘beautiful little fool’, she advertises this early on and uses it as her excuse for pursuing her means. It may be abandoning one man for another, one who adores her for one who tolerates her, we must remember this was the 20’s, she lived to be a wife. The obsession Gatsby developed with Daisy was pos- sessive, senseless and held her to crazy high standards. Just imagine, waking up next to a man everyday who had admired you from afar for years, built their fortune around you, altered their life around you, bought real estate for you. Once a guy bought me dinner and to this day I feel in debt to him. She now has pressure to be the picture of perfection that he has arranged in his distorted pretty head, setting the poor thing up for failure. It's ture she has her problematic parts, but step back and see the lack of romance in this and existence of possession.

Gatsby

Carey Mulligan as Daisy and Leonardo DiCaprio as Jay in The Great Gatsby

Last but not least is 500 Days Of Summer title character, Summer. I have a soft spot for Summer but the lazy writing makes me despise her. Throwaway comments like “50% marriages end in divorce... like my parents.” Wow how deep of you and not completely two-dimensional. Summer is the clear villain in this movie and we are positioned to hate her for finding happiness. A stand out scene in this movie is when Tom reflects on mo- ments he saw as golden and sees them not so bright. He has romanticized every element of their relations and distorted his perception of her. Tom’s biggest strength is that he is played by the ever so adorable Joseph Gordon-Levitt, so it is slightly impossible to hate him but even he has admitted to hating his character.

500

Zooey Deschanel as Summer and Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Tom in 500 Days of Summer

I never really wanted to be this cool girl, and I must remind myself this in my moments of weakness. Doesn’t matter if I’m wearing thongs or doc martins, listening to The Smiths or circa 2004 Britney or driving my mum’s car or a unicycle decorated with flowers, I am not a tool for your advancement. My choices aren’t put out there for a boy who can barely grow a moustache to pawn and fuss over. Please never describe anything I do as quirky or tell your friends “you’re really into an alternative gal”. I won’t be mysterious for you, I’ll overanalyze and ask to watch video essays on Zoey101 and crush any element of cool you construct. Now let me dance in a pansy field in peace please